there's something in the room, and it's not an elephant
by Sorry I Just Did
Summary: it's the quiet moments, the angry moments, the moments in-between, where Keith and Lance love.


Keith thinks Lance is upset, but he's not sure.

See, the thing is, Lance doesn't get upset like Keith does.

Keith gets upset, he goes and hits things. He goes and disappears for hours on end. He's vicious and volatile. He's like a malicious livewire, a barely contained storm of anger sparking inside a lean body. When Keith's upset, it's the first thing you see instead of the mullet.

Keith thinks, retrospectively, it's because people didn't expect much out of him as an orphan, and later, as a washout, so he thought maybe if he screamed, someone would see something alive in him, something real, something human.

Lance learns to let go and fight with him. He'll mock and spit insults like he used to. He'll fuel the fire until Keith's spent and then he'll wrap his arms around his boyfriend and kiss the skin beneath his ear, murmuring sweet nothings.

Or, to be honest, sometimes he'll straight up channel Keith's bad mood into . . . other activities, ones he can enjoy as well.

Either way, Keith's feelings need to be felt. They need to be used up, spent, worn out; they need to be expressed until there's nothing left.

But when Lance is upset, it's-different.

Keith doesn't always know how to deal with it.

If he's worried, that's easy because he'll just become _more_-more obnoxious, more overbearing, more worried.

By now, he can usually tell that there's something dark lurking in Lance by the way his jokes die as he tells them, by the way his pranks fall apart as they go off, by the way his smiles get lost in translation, by the way his body language becomes less affectionate and more destitute, starved. It's subtle because Lance does not show his pain.

It lives and dies under the surface where no one can see it, the only part of Lance that he does not wear on his sleeve.

You cannot find Lance simmering in solitude, despairing in the darkness, combusting in combat. It does not manifest in the places he goes or the things he does. Rather, it's like a careful decomposition of the things that make Lance _Lance_, the pieces slowly crumbling as he decays.

It takes a trained eye to notice and Keith likes to think himself an expert in Lance. As much as anyone can be an expert on Lance.

But not always. Sometimes when they're alone, something triggers something in Lance and he looks away, eyes glassy and shattered, Keith is floored. Lance is vulnerable in front of Keith but Keith is not prepared. He can see the signs, the clenched jaw, the pouty lips and the set stare, but he doesn't know what it means. Is he angry? Sad? Hurt? Disappointed?

Sometimes Keith doesn't know.

Over time, he learns, through passive observation, that Lance treats his pain like electricity; himself, a channel for it to pass through. Lance will let the pain coagulate and concentrate inside of him, will let it stains his insides and his eyes, then will let it go before it becomes too toxic.

Actually-let it go isn't the right term, Keith concludes.

Rather, Lance turns it off. Puts it aside. Shelves the issue until it has to be dealt with. And when he needs to deal with it, he stutters and makes vague sounds and hand motions as he explains it because he _feels _it and he knows what it is but how can he articulate exactly what it is that is making him feel this way? There's just a lot he needs to say.

Lance explains that it's probably because of his family.

"I don't know, I had a big family, you know? And like, everyone had problems. If we all acted how we felt, we'd have no chance at being a family, I guess. Priorities, you know?"

Keith thought that was some weird family bullshit, but then again, he's never had a family so he's kind of a stranger to weird family bullshit.

But like he said, he's sort of an expert on Lance and now he's like, 82% sure he's upset right now.

He's got his head in Lance's lap and Lance is idly playing with his hair and he's _listening _to what Keith is talking about but Keith stops talking and Lance keeps _listening_. He keeps staring and moving his lips idly and Keith realizes that Lance's stare is a little more faraway then it ought to be and his fingers in his hair are a little less purposeful than they should be. Inside, he's kind of like a deer in headlights, sort of gaping and frozen while alarms go off in the background like shit, what does he do how does he make this better fuck.

"What's wrong?" He blurts out.

Lance blinks, "Nothing, _mi amor_."

"That's bullshit," Keith accuses.

Lance smiles softly, "Promise." His hands pick up a more attentive pace as they run through his hair but Keith doesn't buy it. Now, the silence stains the atmosphere and Keith can't just let go of that look in Lance's eyes.

"Don't make promises you don't mean, asshole."

Lance barks out a short laugh, "You're probably right."

Keith sits up, leaning on his hands on the other side of Lance's lap and stares at Lance expectantly. Lance sighs and throws an arm over Keith's middle, leaning forward to rest his head on Keith's shoulder.

Keith feels the warmth of Lance's breath against his skin as he murmurs, "Just want my family to meet you, you know, but then again, who knows when we'll see them."

Oh. That's what it is.

Keith tangles one hand in Lance's hair, holding him close to him, probably a bit too hard but Lance isn't complaining, yet. He doesn't know the words to soothe Lance because he honestly doesn't know either if they'd get a chance to see Lance's family again. So he redirects, "I think they'd be more interested in your giant killer robot than me," he guesses.

Lance chuckles, "Probably. Mateo would beg me to take him for a ride. Probably Jackie and Luca, too."

Keith prays this is going to work and continues hesitantly, "But then they'd experience your atrocious piloting."

He can almost feel Lance's pout, " M'not that bad."

"Yes, you are. You nearly took off our supply ship's wing the other day."

Lance looks up, tightening his hold on Keith and resting his chin on Keith's shoulder, "But I didn't."

Keith smiles fondly at his boyfriend, "Yeah, you might just be getting better." Lance scowls childishly and Keith just wants to kiss the scowl right off his face.

So he does.

...

So yeah, Keith might not be a master at knowing when Lance is upset but he might just be getting better.


End file.
